


Tired.

by MinnieSweaterPaws



Series: And so they were 3 [3]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hwang Hyunjin-centric, Hyunjin has voices in his head and his boyfriends get him through it kinda, M/M, Mentioned Bang Chan, Mentioned Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Stream of Consciousness, Thought Projection, author is projecting, this makes no sense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:55:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22781347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinnieSweaterPaws/pseuds/MinnieSweaterPaws
Summary: Hyunjin was tired.Tired of what...he wasn't sure but his head wouldn't shut up.Or, a short stream of consciousness of Hyunjin trying to reason and fight the voices in his head.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin, Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin
Series: And so they were 3 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1525241
Comments: 3
Kudos: 72





	Tired.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> First off, this is not beta read nor fully edited and it has no plot whatsoever tbh lol   
> This was mostly a way for me to let go of some thoughts and feelings and idk how it came out to be 2k+   
> It's very vague and I honestly do not think it makes a lot of sense but if you are still willing to read it, thank you! 💛

Tired.

All Hyunjin was these days was...tired. It was ridiculous how exhausted he had been both physically and mentally despite haven gotten 7+ hours of sleep every night (He was a working college student, 7 was plenty!). It wasn’t even that he was stressed, at least he didn’t think he was. His internship gave him a new project, sure but it wasn’t something he wasn’t capable of doing and he had even cut down his class load this quarter, taking only 3 classes like advised and not pushing himself to 4-5 classes like usual. His boyfriends had to quite literally forced Hyunjin to choose only three classes to focus on - Seungmin coaxing the top three choices out of him as he had ended up stealing Hyunjin’s class assignment slip to cross the 4th class of the list, it had been that bad. 

So it wasn’t work stress or school stress. He thought about his social life and couldn’t find anything there either. He had two loving boyfriends who always made sure he got his cuddles and kisses at night, reminding him to not forget his lunch, and leaving him small notes on said packed lunch once in a while. He was content. His friends were also the same old bubbly, maybe a bit too loud friend group of nine boys that he dearly loved. 

He should be happy.

But he wasn’t. He wasn’t sad either, he was just...tired. 

It wasn’t a secret that Hyunjin was overly emotional and tended to be affected more easily. Just last week he was bawling his eyes out during their movie date night while watching “Weathering with you”. Changbin had called him a baby which he would’ve taken to heart if he wasn’t also curling up on the elder’s lap while clutching on Seungmin’s hands that he was holding or more like squeezing the whole night. But even that night Hyunjin had gone to bed with a smile on his face.

Thinking back on it Hyunjin would like to blame it on all the factors that he had said were not the problem. Because if he thought harder he could make the excuse that his new project at his internship required much more tedious work that he wasn’t passionate about. It was more planning and organizing than designing which took a toll on him more than he thought it would. 

He could also argue that despite only taking three classes this quarter, all three of them were higher level major classes, one of them being the introductory part of his senior thesis class. 

And lastly he could argue that his relationship had come to a standstill, they all got busy and it seemed that despite all the efforts his boyfriends put in, Hyunjin had a hard time seeing the care that they used to have. His friends were also much less involved and way more detached from him than they used to be. And it was the little things that affected Hyunjin, it was the little things that broke him. But Hyunjin being Hyunjin saw these as excuses his mind made up. He shouldn’t be this tired. They were all just excuses afterall.

A few days went on and Hyunjin went from tired to utterly exhausted. His eyes would sting every ten minutes from unshed tears and he didn’t even know why. He was staring at his emails, reading over and over which time would work best for a meeting with the venue they want for their valentines special show at work. It was a simple task of aligning schedules but he had tried to get into focus for a whole 30 minutes now. He felt like a living corpse with no explanation as to why he was dead. He felt his resolve break the second his mentor had praised him on the color choice of a spread he did a few days ago. Pushing past his coworkers, he excused himself and slid into the nearest bathroom. He really was going to break down if he didn’t get to go home soon. Splashing water onto his face he glanced at his wrist watch.  _ 15 more minutes _ . 

The time went agonizingly slow and Hyunjin found himself pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes more often than he wished. His eyes were red from all the rubbing. Brushing of the concerned looks of his team, he slowly packed up and left the office with mumbled good byes and faint smiles that didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

Hyunjin was exhausted. 

The drive back to their shared apartment was the same as always, he was a puppet going around life, day in day out doing the same routine. Maybe that was it. But it had been like this for a year now and Hyunjin had never felt this exhausted over a  _ routine _ . He didn’t know what was happening, all he knew was that he wanted it to end. 

With a heavy sigh, he fumbled with their door keypad, getting the stupid code wrong twice before he was let in. He was frustrated. Not bothering to fix his shoes he threw them in the corner of their rack, something he knew would annoy Seungmin but he didn’t have the energy to care. His bag landed on the coffee table with a loud plop alerting both his partners of his presence. Had he paid more attention, he would’ve noticed that both of them were home by the faint smell of burned toast or the neat pairs of shoes that he likely ruined when he threw in his nike sneakers. Hyunjin paid it no mind and moved towards their couch. Slumping down heavily, he let out a long sigh and closed his eyes, hoping that it would bring some clarity to his muddled brain. His two seconds of quiet were interrupted by a weight on his shoulder. He jolted slightly, clearly not having expected his boyfriends to be home. Before he could move away he felt warmth spread itself around his middle and knew that Seungmin had taken the liberty to drape himself around the older. Hyunjin felt his eyes burn yet again. Keeping them closed he shuffled around to bury his head into the crook of his boyfriends neck. 

He wasn’t going to cry, he really was determined not to. It had been a whole day and he kept it together so well but the honey vanilla scent of Seungmin’s shampoo was too comforting, it smelled too much like...home. And for the first time in what felt like weeks, he let himself go. Sob after sob racking through his whole body as Seungmin cradled him and Changbin ran fingers through his hair. No words had been exchanged and Hyunjin’s gut filled with utter guilt. He slowly untangled himself from the warmth that kept him together. Not being able to meet his boyfriends’ eyes he kept them at his lap, thinking of a way to play his mini breakdown off. 

“I’m sor-”

“I was about scold you for the mess you made Jinnie,” Seungmin interrupted him.  _ Shit there was that too _ . He opened his mouth ready to apologize again when careful hands cradled his face, forcing him to look up. Rough skin met with his soft cheeks as the pads of Changbin’s thumbs wiped the wetness away. His words were stuck and all he could do was lean into the touch, feeling each callous and rough patch of skin that his older boyfriend sported from working out. 

“I had to hold Minnie back from jumping you at first but…” Changbin flitted his eyes around trying to find the right words. Hyunjin could see the utter love in his eyes when he looked back, a small reassuring smile tugging on his lips. It made Hyunjin so warm but the ugly feeling of guilt was still too present. 

“You’re doing well Jinnie you know that right? You’re doing so so well.”

Hyunjin could feel tears well up again. He had expected the typical “Are you okay” or “Whats wrong” questions but trust his boyfriends to always know what to say. Another sob made him hiccup in that ugly baby cry face that everyone teased him about but he didn’t care. He felt so so guilty. Before anyone could interrupt him this time it all spilled out. The “I’m so sorry” spoken like a mantra to awaken the dangerous voices deep inside his head. The ones that he kept hidden so well. The ones that he was too afraid to ever seep through. He was supposed to be  _ happy. _ His head was so fuzzy, so loud that he didn’t notice the concern and reassurances spoken to him. He was numb to everything. Blind to everything, deaf to everything. 

It wasn’t until the sun was long set and the apartment was dipped into a paint of dark blues and grays with an orange shine of the kitchen appliances that Hyunjin calmed down. No one had gotten up to switch any lights on. No one dared to move. Hyunjin knew that all of this was his fault, he didn’t need the voices in his head to remind him, he was aware. He knew there was a problem but he didn’t know how to solve it. Lying in the arms of the two most important people in his world, he was still lost. 

“Jinnie, you don’t have to tell us about anything until you’re ready but just know we love you okay?” 

Hyunjin was trembling, more tears stinging in his eyes. No, he couldn’t fall again. They won’t be able to catch him. The guilt was festering itself even deeper. He didn’t deserve them...he didn’t deserve to be tired, to be crying, to be worried about when nothing was wrong. When it was all his fault. When all he had to do was reach out and let his friends and partners care for him instead of shutting everyone out and letting his emotions get the better of him. He hated it. 

Hyunjin was tired...of himself. 

After that night, he could feel things differ in the dynamics of his friends and his relationship. He knew that both Seungmin and Changbin wouldn’t have said anything about his minor breakdown and that they tried hard to stay their usual supportive selves. It was difficult, he could see their hesitation but he would be eternally grateful for their persistence. It had happened two more times and by the third time Hyunjin stopped apologizing. The guilt far too deep that his words choked up and he let himself be coddled and comforted even if he was still numb to everything. But with each time Hyunjin felt again, little by little. 

He heard each whisper of  _ I love you _ and  _ You are doing so well  _ and they began warming his heart. 

He saw each concerned exchange of looks and the tender sparkle in his boyfriends eyes and began to smile back. 

He felt each caress of soft and calloused fingers, each soothing stroke through his hair and he nuzzled further into the touch.

Hyunjin was still tired but it was bearable, it was fading to fatigue rather than exhaustion and he sealed those feelings with a kiss to Seungmin’s forehead as he leaned back into Changbin’s chest.

It had been merely five days after the initial night that Hyunjin saw the change. Or the shift as to say. He wasn’t sure what it was but he noticed the small details and this time not the negative ones. It was the way Lix had brought him his favorite drink to their shared lecture just yesterday, or the way Chan had replied to him after a month of leaving him on read. (The man was busy and bad at replying, he knew that and didn’t hold it against Chan in any way). It was a simple “Do you want to try out this new cake shop with me?” invitation but Hyunjin felt warm...he felt special. 

It was ridiculous. 

It wasn’t the first time Felix had bought him a drink nor was Chan’s invitation anything out of the blue, everyone knew how much of a sweet tooth Hyunjin had so he was the most logical choice to ask. But oddly enough it was the small things like these that Hyunjin kept close to his heart. 

That night when he went back home, he didn’t throw his shoes. He places them neatly next to the other sneakers. Instead of carelessly throwing his bag somewhere he placed it next to the couch and made his way towards the kitchen. And despite the guilt still swimming around like that string of seaweed that gets caught in your feet and makes you shudder, he enjoyed the water instead. Let himself drift around, shaking off each festering piece of algae. 

Tip toeing around the counter he wrapped his arms around Seungmin’s small waist, greeting him with a soft kiss to his shoulder and small words of encouragement for whatever the younger was cooking for dinner. The giggle and short peck that came as a result were the moments he locked away to open up again at later times. The moments he looked back on should he fall again. Hearing footsteps approach Hyunjin untangled himself to give his full attention to the new presence in the room. Speedwalking his way to his older boyfriend as he wrapped his arms around Changbin’s broad shoulders he only pulled away to see that blinding smile he loved so much and for a kiss of course. 

Their near make out session was interrupted by a pouting Seungmin who was swinging his ladle at them, red sauce dangerously close to dripping and staining their white kitchen tiles. Hyunjin heard a loud high pitched laugh cut through the air. And it took him a few seconds to realize it was his laugh. He looked around the room only to find both of his boyfriends looking at him with bright smiles on their faces. They looked happy...and Hyunjin...seemed happy too.

So that evening when the three of them sat on their couch, some rom com movie playing in the background as they shoved spaghetti down their throats as carefully as they could (Seungmin’s nagging voice replaying in his head “You both BETTER NOT! Stain the couch OR ELSE!”), Hyunjin was laughing, whole heartedly, limbs flailing once he put his dish down. And as he fell asleep spooned between his partners like a child, he felt content, safe and dare he say again? Happy.

Hyunjin was still tired but he was better. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> You made it!! Thank you for reading...I really don't know if this work has any purpose but I appreciate you finishing it...!
> 
> Kudos/Comments are also welcome!💛
> 
> If anyone wants to talk to me I have a nsfw twt that I kinda use once in a while mostly to scream about seungmin ^^  
> @minsweaterpaws


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